Naturally, this too will leave us estranged and emotionally distant from each other.
Talk about issues in non-heated moments When engines are revved and chords are struck, it's not always the best time to get into a conversation about the state of our relationship.
We use their flaws against them, cataloging their shortcomings in our minds until admiration slowly erodes into cynicism.
When this transformation occurs, we become highly attuned to our partners' less desirable traits.
As a therapist, I often hear couples complain that whenever one partner tries to get close, the other pulls away.
It's a painful reality that love isn't always as easy to give and receive as we'd like to think.
Conversely, when we interrupt this tendency to build a case, we can focus on ourselves and act in ways that truly represent who we are and how we feel.
Staying vulnerable, open and compassionate toward our partner can make them feel safe and allow them to take a chance on being close.
Look at ourselves If we notice our partners pulling away at certain points, it's helpful to explore ways we might be contributing to the problem or even provoking it.
Wherever these challenges come from, we can start to overcome them by identifying destructive patterns and dynamics in our relationships.
For example, when our partner pulls back, how do we respond?
Perhaps this action creates a certain amount of desperation within us, which in turn might leave us acting more needy or dependent toward them.
Our distressed behaviors may make our partner more critical, perceiving us as weak or clingy, and they may then pull back further.