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There are a few general guidelines that are common knowledge for when you set up a date: tell a friend where you are, don’t go back to your suitor’s house on the first date, but if the night leads you there, always wear protection.You can read all the terror tales on the internet, listen to all the advice from your teachers, parents and friends, but when push comes to shove (no pun intended) there is no way to arm yourself for this blind attack: now formally referred to by the as ‘stealthing.’If you’re unaware of what this new phenomenon is, allow me to shed some light with an anecdote from a personal encounter I had just last weekend.The fear, shame and social stigma surrounding family violence and sexual assault contributes to up to 80 per cent of cases going unreported.But what if those affected could talk to a friendly chatbot, rather than a person?A study from Yale Law School published last week brought a disturbing trend of sexual violence to the fore.Named ‘stealthing’ by its author Alexandra Brodsky in the Columbia Journal of Gender and Law, the practice happens when a condom is removed during sex without the consent, or knowledge, of both partners.

After a month of settling in, I figured it was about time to get back on the dating scene, so I fired up Tinder and started swiping.We need to teach our girls that just because they consent to something, doesn’t mean their partner has the right to alter the boundaries once it’s commenced.For those who have endured this deceptive act, I urge you to participate in this conversation, because you should not suffer in silence.Therefore, when my date took it upon himself to remove the condom without my consent, and without my knowledge, I was confident enough to know that it was wrong.I interrupted the moment and confronted him, and that’s where it gets really scary.This guy could not comprehend the error in his ways: in fact, he continued to self gratify until completion, leaving me to wonder how this could’ve happened again.After the shock dissipated, I felt violated, I was stuck thinking about the impending doctor’s visit, and the fear that I’d contracted something life altering from this absolute twat.Be bold and remember that you are strong enough to take a stance.I was not aware of ‘Stealthing’ until it happened to me, and through this article, I hope to change that for others.My first instinct when writing this was to explain why I chose to go back to his house but I’ve decided I don’t need to, because despite what the patriarchy tells us, my decision to join him didn’t make me deserving of what came next.We continued the night, indulging in more wine and chit chat.


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