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Some stalkers misunderstand the path toward intimacy, failing to appreciate the need for a gradual progression of trust, transparency, and chemistry in the formation of a healthy relationship.For stalking victims, this misunderstanding can be deadly.Sure, I didn’t outright ignore his texts and officially ghost him (in my opinion, at least), but if I knew that I wasn’t interested in him, it wouldn’t have killed me to send a quick text telling him I’d had fun but don’t see a future for us. We never really know what’s going on in the heads of the people we go out with.What I’d read as apathy was actually this guy waiting for an opening to ask me out again.Flash-forward three months, and I bumped into him on the street in So Ho.We chatted a bit, and then he said, “Why did you ghost me?But, for the most part, that’s not a call we can confidently make.Once, I went on a second date with a guy and we ended up dancing drunkenly to Justin Bieber at a dive bar.

And, surprisingly, this has helped me stop taking the whole dating game so seriously.This obviously wasn’t ever a constructive conversation.But the fact of the matter is that it’s still one that a lot of people want to have after a person they were dating casually dumps them. But oftentimes, when those same people want to end a casual fling themselves, they give every excuse in the book to avoid confronting the issue with the person they’re dating. “They don’t actually want to be told I don’t want to see them anymore, right? None of us is a bad person for expecting others' behaviour to follow a standard we don’t keep for ourselves.Looking back on my past single self with slightly clearer vision, I can see that my desire to quiz my dates on why they dumped me had more to do with me and less with them.I figured that if they were able to tell me what was wrong with me, I could diagnose and cure the problem, making me “better” for the next person who came across my Bumble feed.Sometimes you click with a person but a lot of the time, you just don’t. But if you try to treat the people you date the way you’d like to be treated, you’ll have done your part in making this “game” a little less maddening.These words might send a chill up your spine if used to introduce you by someone you barely know and have only been out with once or twice.That said, it’s important to notice this behaviour in yourself and realise why this disconnect exists.A lot of the time, we simply don’t believe the other person will care if we never hear from them again.I’d completely misread his texts, and I realised that had the situation been flipped, I would have wanted an excuse from him, too.Now, I handle situations like this by asking myself how I’d want to be treated if I were on the receiving end.

265 comments

  1. Jul 14, 2017. Dating in the age of Tinder can be exhausting. If you've been on one too many bad dates, these are a few signs that you might be totally don.

  2. Jul 17, 2017. My gripe with casual dating — defined herein as non-committed relationships — is multi-faceted, but basically boils down to this it's rarely casual. Oh sure, you can go on a few dates with someone, have a laugh and call it a day — no harm done. But anything more substantial than that. well. If it looks like.

  3. Nov 18, 2017. How many dates does it take to form a relationship? Stalkers might say one — or none. The distorted lens of unrequited love can be delusional and dangerous.

  4. Dec 3, 2017. There are a lot of things to complain about when someone ghosts you. Whenever a person I dug suddenly dips out of my life, I tend to lament over the amount of time I took getting ready for the date, traveling to the date, and then actually being on the date, and realize I could have been spending all of that.

  5. Aug 8, 2017. Unfortunately, we've all been there. That moment when you think you're seeing someone exclusively, only to have them tell you they're just in the mood for “casual dating” right now. What's worse is when they go on to reveal they're also seeing other people. Sometimes this agreement is mutual but for the.

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